Girl #3

It looks like girl #3 will be joining our family this fall!

Will you please pray for this little one? Last week during an ultrasound, the technician found a fluid-filled area in her abdomen. After examing it further, the doctor has basically ruled out a tumor (as it would be a solid mass, not fluid-filled) or a distended bowel. He believes that the most likely scenario is that she has an ovarian cyst. We have decided not to do an MRI or anything at this point. I’ll have another ultrasound in 2-3 weeks, and if the area has grown, we’ll consider an MRI at that point.

We know that our little girl is in God’s capable hands. Please pray that she will continue to grow properly and that Dan and I will be able to make wise decisions regarding this matter. Thank you!

Sickness

Sickness.

I’m thankful for it.

Sometimes sickness forces me to stop – not pause – but come to a complete standstill.

Today I had to lie abed, pain throbbing, shivering, stuffy head, vocal chords defunct. All I could do was lie there and look around.

I saw today.

My eyes drank in baby brother snuggled close to big sister in the reading corner to hear the words of one board book, then another, and another. No one directing this activity, no one suggesting it.

I saw middle sister kneel at our prayer couch and call “time for prayers, Jonathan!” because Mommy was not able to utter a word.

I saw obedient little feet running when I clapped my hands or snapped my fingers to bring my voiceless command to their attention.

When I could no longer see for having to squeeze my eyes shut because of an excruciating headache…

…I heard.

I heard “…then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee; How great Thou art, how great Thou art…” floating in from another room in the voice of an almost 4-year old

I heard the sweet words “poor Mommy” whispered close as they passed my way on their various destinations around the house.

I heard the soft snoring of stuffy little noses during naptime, when I myself was forced to be silent.

(I heard more silence today than I’ve heard in a long time. Could it be me? Could I be the one raising the noise level in the house with my constant direction?)

Today I felt.

Not just the strains that this illness was placing on my physical body…

I felt sweet, tiny movements all day long. Usually I’m running to and fro so much that I don’t feel many little flutters at this stage of pregnancy. However, today, each tiny kick was a sweet “hello”.

I felt little arms around me as one child after another paused to hug me to try and make me feel better.

I felt my children close as I, in turn, gave hugs of comfort to my little sickies. I felt their nearness more than I usually take the time to.

Although my sense of smell was absent, I was still able to taste things. Things that I need to taste – over and over with each illness I experience.

I tasted helplessness.

I tasted pain.

I tasted dependence.

Sickness has a way of bringing me to my knees. Frailty and weakness have their moments to shine. To care for my family when I feel so awful feels impossible without God strengthening me.

To taste pain gives the gift of empathy for others who suffer chronically.

To taste dependence is sometimes elusive for this over-achiever.

Today, for some reason that I am thankful for, I was given insight into the opportunities I had.

To see,

to hear,

to feel,

to taste…

…what wonderful blessings, indeed! 

Quiet

I’ve been so quiet here at my blog.

There’s usually one reason why this happens. It’s because I’m feeling overwhelmed in my real life. And that has been the case here with me in the past month or so. Things that had been going well just aren’t all of the sudden. Our daily schedule, which was working great, all of the sudden deteriorated. The obedience of my children was going pretty well, and lately alot of the work has become undone. I’ve found myself staying up later and later just so I have time to feel like a sane person while there’s peace and quiet in the house, which is not good since I need my rest now more than ever.

I’m not sure why things have deteriorated so. I think part of it has to do with my being so sick through the first trimester of the pregnancy. Discipline and structure kind of fell by wayside while I tried to just survive – doing the basic necessities like feeding and dressing the children. Another part of it has to do with Jonathan getting older and how he fits in with the family dynamics. Up until now, he has been a very laid back, calm baby. Then all of the sudden, he wants to do things his way, and he does not want anyone – his sisters least of all (!!) telling him what to do. He has become what I like to call a “screamie- meemie”. In addition to the additude problems, he has become much more agile and is coming up with the most amazing ways of getting into mischief.

If you know my other children personally, add a screaming little troublemaker to the mix of my already hyperactive middle girl and my “I’m-the-second-mother” older girl, and you’ve got stressful days just waiting to happen come every sunup.

With the addition of the extra outdoor chores, my routine has become even more packed and I, in turn, have become more stressed out. I’ve been used to doing things the same way for the 6 years that I’ve been a mother. Some of these ways don’t really work very well with more than one child in the house. Instead of re-thinking new ways of doing things, however, I’ve just continued to struggle to fit my life into the same old pattern/schedule/way. And every day I’ve felt like I’ve been butting my head up against a wall.

Finally, last night, I had a breakdown when Dan asked me what was wrong. “You look a little stressed out”, he said. “A little?!?!?!?!?!?!” When he finally got me to tell him what was wrong and it all came tumbling out, he listened patiently. Then he made some practical suggestions as to how I could restructure our day differently. These weren’t life-shattering ideas, but ones that I hadn’t thought of before. (You mean I don’t always come up with the perfectly grand ideas myself?!?!)

While we were talking, I started to come to a realization:

I’ve had this idea in my head of how things should be (in my perfect little schedule or scenario) that doesn’t coincide with how things really are.

Dan reminded me that I have to work within the realm of reality - where my children are actually at right now. I don’t have three older school-aged children who know how to do most things themselves. I have a toddler who needs some extra training right now. I have a child who has some handicaps that I’m still learning to work with and around.  He reminded me what the top priorities are with the children and how I can let other things go.

I guess that sometimes it takes someone else to give you a different perspective on things. I’m so thankful that I have a partner in this parenting journey who can give me encouragement and fresh ideas when I need them. Dan asked me one more thing. “Is anything too hard for God?” 

Am I relying on my own strength to make things work around my home? Although I know (academically) that I should be relying on God to help me with the daily struggles, I do have the tendency to lean on my own aptitude to get things done. After all, I’ve never had a problem getting things done before! I was a straight-A student all through school, earned a music degree that entailed all sorts of rigorous examinations and performances, ran my own piano studio business, etc, etc. So why shouldn’t this part of my life be easy, as well?

Raising three unique, precious individual children is definitely the most intense challenge that I’ve yet to face in my life. I really can’t do it (successfully) on my own. After all, isn’t that what the verse says that the children and I are memorizing for this week?

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

John 15:1, 5

Guess what? Today, with the help of Dan’s practical ideas and the Lord guiding my actions, I am full of hope that things can get better around here.

And then maybe it won’t be so quiet around here anymore.

Enjoy them

This afternoon as I was making my purchase at a small consignment shop near my home, I chatted with the woman behind the counter. As she looked at my little ones around me, she mused, “Enjoy them…they grow so quickly. I had five, and believe me, they grow up so fast.”

I’ve heard this many times from various women, almost all of them older. As many times as I’ve been admonished of this, I’ve wondered if I’m truly enjoying the time like I should be. I mean, I think I am. I’m not really sure what these women mean by saying this. The mantra “enjoy them”  has been repeated to me so often that I get the impression that not many mothers do enjoy their children while they’re young. Is is even possible?

Let’s face it – young mothers are busy! The stage of raising babies and young children is exceptionally busy. Among the dirty diapers to change, laundry to wash, boo-boos to kiss, millions of little toys to pick up, tears to dry, tantrums to squelch, sibling confrontations to referee and stories to read, there isn’t much time for long-thought-out musings about how much I’m enjoying this stage.

As I thought about this for the remainder of the day, I came to realize that I am indeed enjoying my children and I thought of more ways that I can make this time with them even more profitable.

Realize how special and precious my children are in God’s sight. When I look at my children as unique people that God has created, I am more apt to appreciate them and see their special qualities.

Spend time with them. I don’t mean just “quality time”, but “quantity time”. Maybe this is what the women who tell me this really missed with their children. In our family, we have built into our days different times where our children are close to us doing something special. When we intentionally structure our days to include time together, we are less likely to just skip the parent/child time because of busyness creeping in. Examples of this are morning Bible Time, where we all get to be close together, praying, singing hymns and reading the Bible. The conversations that ensue during that time are often the most precious. Another time that is special is storytime with Daddy. Dan makes every effort to keep this “appointment” with the children every evening at 8:00pm, no matter how busy he is. Other special times include Daddy occasionally choosing a special helper for evening chores. That child gets to go out alone with him to help him and more importantly, talk. One night per week, each of our children have a “special night” with Mom and Dad where they get to stay up 1/2 hour later than everyone else and play a special game or do something fun of their choosing.

Work to cultive active, open relationships with them. I believe that this will, in turn, make them more enjoyable to be around. A major part of this is using the time we have with them to instill God’s Word in word and in deed. 

“You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up  - Deuteronomy 11:19

Whenever someone tells me to watch out because they “grow so fast”, this is the area that I often think of first. I ask myself “Will I use this time wisely to teach them all that I can? By the time they are grown, will I have demonstrated to them mercy, true love and a willingness to admit failures and mistakes? Will I have pointed them to God as their true Helper in life?” Close, loving relationships are founded on unconditional love, which is not possible apart from God.

Touch lovingly. Holding hands during prayer, snuggling close during a story or spending time sitting in bed next to each child before sleep gives a sense of comfort and joy to both me and my children.

Use encouraging words. This is one area where I’m trying to improve on. When I’m busy, I have the tendency to sound more like a drill sargeant then a kind encourager. I know that my relationships with my children will be more enjoyable when words of kindness flow from my mouth. This prayer comes to my lips often:

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips. -Psalm 141:3

I hope that when my children are adults, I won’t spend much time wishing that I’d enjoyed them more as children. Instead, I hope that I’ll be able to continue the benefits of lasting relationships that were started and cultivated in childhood.

How about you? Did you enjoy your children when they were young? If you have young children, how do you intentionally enjoy and fill these moments that you have with them?

Photographs: A summer treasure shared; a serious conversation with a 2 year old; a new bundle to snuggle

Yes, it’s true…

…there really IS a baby in there! I saw him (or her) today, kicking and wiggling around all over the place! Everything looks healthy and normal.

We are so thankful and happy, as you can see on my face in this picture that Abigail took of me when I got home from my appointment today.

As of today, I’m 12 weeks and should be nearing the end of the sick part. I’m very happy and thankful for that, too.

A bit of this, a bit of that

Hi!

I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I suppose I’d blog more if I had a laptop and could type while lying on the couch. The days are going by quickly and tomorrow I’ll be 11 weeks already. Next Thursday I have my first prenatal appointment as well as a “dating” ultrasound. I keep telling Dan “I sure hope there’s a baby in there!” He just laughs, but I really feel that way each time I go in for my first appointment. I’m always afraid that maybe I was wrong – maybe I’m not really pregnant, after all. Isn’t that silly? After I hear the heartbeat, I always feel better.

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We have been patiently waiting for spring to arrive. We are so excited to get started on our indoor seeds, but we still have to wait a couple of weeks yet. Last year, we tried to get started with our planting earlier than Memorial Day, but then lost many plants in a hard frost in late May. Our neighbor, who has been gardening for over 30 years, says he never plants anything until June 1st around here. So, we’re going to try and be a bit more patient this year and wait like he does.

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Today while we were out grocery shopping, the woman behind us in the checkout line said to me, “What three beautiful blessings you have there!” I smiled appreciatively. It was so nice to hear that, because I have gotten many, many comments from people whenever we go out and many of them have been negative towards children. One time, two strangers were talking to each other about us while we were standing right there. The man said “what a handful” or something like that and the woman said “Believe me, I know. I raised three of them myself.” I smiled, thinking she might be a kindred spirit. She quickly added disdainfully, “They’ve all grown up and moved away – thank G–” Yikes!

I don’t know why people think it is such a strange thing to take 3 young children out somewhere, but they look at us like we are a parade when we walk by! The children aren’t even being noisy! So, it was nice to hear the woman’s comment today. It’s nice to know that there are still some people out there who think children are blessings instead of just little people to have to “put up with” for several years.

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We have fully utilized our interlibrary loan system this winter and ended up reading some really neat books as a result. I always check out the books that Elise has on her Shelfari shelf on her blog’s sidebar. They’re usually always great! Also, the owner of my favorite little bookstore has compiled several lists of her own favorite children’s books that I’ve been working through. You can check them out here.  Heather has great taste in books and we’ve been enjoying checking out some of her recommendations.

Some books that we’ve enjoyed recently have been The Orange Shoes, Linnea in Monet’s Garden, Johnny the Clockmaker, The World of Little House and Lassie-Come-Home, (this one made us want to check out Eric Knight’s full novel).

I don’t know why, but a couple of weeks ago while I was lying on the couch, I got the itch to get out my old Anne of Green Gables books.  (I haven’t read them in probably about 10 years.) My series is well-worn and well-loved. It’s funny that when I was young, I didn’t care much for the books about when Anne was married and a mother, or the books about her children. This time around, I read those particular books with much more interest. If you’ve never read L.M. Montgomery’s books, I highly recommend them. The Anne series is marketed for 6th grade readers and up, but I still got so much out of them reading them as an adult. After reading through all 8 Anne books, I also read through the Emily series, which contains only 3 books and is also excellent.  We love to read around here!

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Speaking of reading, I’ve been trying to keep a written record of all the books that Abigail has read during her “kindergarten” year. She started out slowly at the beginning of the year with very basic readers and so it was easy to keep up with her. As the months have progressed however, she has taken off like a rocket and I have been left behind in the dust. I think I stopped recording somewhere around book number 75. She’ll read a book, then wave it in front of my face and say “Mommy, can you add this to my list?”. Well, if I’m in the middle of washing dishes or changing a diaper, I can’t write it down very easily. I’ve long lost track of how many she has read. I don’t push her to read. She just loves it and spends much of her spare time reading. I’m sure that will change once it gets warm outside and she wants to play out there. But, wow! What a bookworm!

Each child comes to reading at his or her own time and I certainly have no expectations of Iliana or Jonathan reading so early. I just stand back and watch Abigail, encourage her and help her with “hard” words when she needs it. Yesterday, she decided that she would start reading Little House in the Big Woods. We’d better watch out that she doesn’t catch up and surpass where we are in our family read-alouds! We’re on By the Shores of Silver Lake right now.

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Well, that’s the update for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Yuck

I’ve not been doing too well keep up on this blog, have I?

I haven’t been keeping up on much of anything this past month, really. I have been completing only the bare necessities around my home – feeding the children, changing diapers, doing some laundry and doing schoolwork with the girls. Sometimes I even try to cook dinner.

Every day seems to run into the next – all enveloped in a big haze of nausea. I’m sick morning, noon and night. I feel like I’m in a fog and I’ve been wondering where my brain has gone lately.

One of the reasons I think that I feel so brainless is because of a recent lack of sleep. You see, practically ever since my nausea began, I’ve been taking care of sick children. First, they all had the stomach flu that, between them, dragged out over 1 1/2 weeks. Then Dan brought home a nice upper respiratory cold/flu type illness from work. I’ve been up all night with feverish children several times this past week.

I cannot figure out why the children have been getting so sick lately. They eat very healthy food and they get plenty of rest at night. Who knows.

Anyway, that’s why I haven’t been around here much. Once coherant thoughts begin flowing through my brain again, I’m sure that I’ll be back to posting regularly.

On a more positive note:

Did I ever mention how thankful I am to have Dan as a husband? He is always so helpful in every way while I’m in the first trimester of pregnancy. I can’t even list all the things that he has done for me these past 4-5 weeks. I love him!

Spring is almost here!!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo!!!!

Picture above from allposters.com

30, Part 2

Have you wondered why it’s been so quiet around here lately?

Well, there was something else that happened on my 30th birthday that I didn’t share earlier…

That was the day we found out that we are expecting our fourth child!!

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been very, very sick – which is my normal pregnancy routine.

In addition to my “regular” sickness, each of my children have come down with the stomach flu sometime during the past week. It’s been a bit of a struggle to keep my head above the water, so to speak. But God has buoyed me up and continues to carry me through this challenging period.

I’m looking forward to my first midwife visit in a week or two to hear that precious heartbeat!