Teaching respect for the elderly

“You shall rise before the gray headed and honor the presence of an old man, and fear your God: I am the LORD”  Leviticus 12:32

One of the legacies passed on to me by my parents was respect for elderly people. In today’s society where older people are often seen as irrelevant at best and useless at worst, it has become very important to me that I find a way to instill this same value into my own children. I’ve been reviewing in my mind the ways in which my parents taught us that old age was not something to disdain, but rather to honor. I’d like to share them here as a way of reminding myself of these practical ways so that I may cultivate this value in our family.

“Cease listening to instruction, my son, And you will stray from the words of knowledge…”   Proverbs 19:27 

First, we were encouraged to spend time listening to elderly people. Wherever we found ourselves, whether it be at church, at a doctor’s office or around town, my mother always made a point to approach any elderly person who was sitting alone to talk and to listen. She encouraged us to do this from a very young age. We learned that older people weren’t to be feared, even if they had some kind of a physical or mental disability caused by old age (example, bad hearing). She spent time with each of these people and we were right there with her, learning how to spend that time.

When older people visited our home, we weren’t allowed to run around and play while they were talking. We learned to listen whenever an elderly person spoke, because often there was wisdom to be gleaned. If we wanted to play and run around, we had to go do it elsewhere. Today it seems that children are not expected to relate to elderly people, and elderly people don’t expect children to actually listen anymore.

As a teenager, I learned much from listening to elderly people tell stories of the things that they had done right in their lives and also stories of their mistakes. I tried to take to heart the admonition that they gave, particularly the advice given by men and women who were believers.

“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction…” James 1:27

Growing up, our family spent a great deal of time visiting with elderly people. As a child, I can remember making regular, frequent visits to older people’s homes on weekday evenings. The time was spent talking, but also in serving any physical needs that they might have.  

“Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard.” Proverbs 21:13 

Because they spent a great deal of time listening, talking and visiting the elderly, my parents were often the first ones that people called when they needed help. They trusted my parents because they knew that my parents really cared about them and would try and help them. There were several occassions where I remember running across the street with my mother to help an elderly man who taken a bad fall. His wife was not strong enough to lift him and she called my mom because she trusted her.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted…”  Ephesians 4:32

We were encouraged to make cards and write letters to the elderly. My mother was wonderful with calligraphy and card-making and would often have us sit down with her to make cards of encouragement for others. We learned how much joy it could bring a lonely, older person to hear words of scripture given in an encouraging manner or to see the artistic work of a small child.

“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others…” Philippians 2:4

My parents looked for and if necessary, created opportunities for our family to serve elderly people. I remember spending many hours in various nursing homes around our area. Because our family was very musical, my parents chose music as an avenue by which we could serve. We frequently performed music “shows” for nursing home residents that always included sing-alongs of old songs so that they could join in. The best part of those days was when, after the shows, we would spend time talking to the many residents who would attend. My mother always brought items that we had made together at home that we could pass out. This gave us a way to break the ice with each person so that we weren’t nervous to go up and talk. I remember doing this as early as age 6 or 7. (My first piano performance, in fact, was at a nursing home!)

My mother always had such great ideas for elderly people. She always made sure that the events or activities were actually something that would interest them and not just something that was convenient for her.

One event that stands out in my mind was a “pie contest” social. We had a buffet-style luncheon for the seniors that was served by the children. I remember going through the line with people who needed help. At each guest’s place setting, there was a 4×6 index card for them to write down some “words of wisdom” that they wanted to impart to the children. After the luncheon, several children from our congregation entertained the seniors with singing and instruments (again, with a sing-along of old songs, too!). Between musical selections, my dad stood and read the “Words of Wisdom” to the entire group. Wow, I can still remember that there were some real gems shared that day. Finally, our pastor did the pie-tasting and judging and donned the “Miss Pie” sash on the beaming woman who won. My mom had made really nice ribbons for all of the remaining participants.

I’m so thankful for this legacy that my parents passed on to me through these practical ways.  One of my hopes for my children is that they don’t ever feel this concept referred to as the “generation gap”. The disconnect that can happen between the young and the old is indeed a sad loss. As relationships continue to break down in our society due to neglect, I believe that it’s vitally important to intentionally teach our children how to build them up.

How did your parents teach you to respect the elderly? Do you have any additional ideas to share with me as I strive to teach my children this important value?